I read a lot over Christmas and while I can’t remember where I got this from, it has stuck with me.
It was a book about a daughter whose father’s identity was defined by being a psychiatrist and how him repeatedly asking, “how did that make you feel?”, was a trigger that led her to be way less motivated to share where she was at.
Now I’m a big fan of encouraging people to talk more about how they feel. But as talking about emotions can be difficult, I’m an even bigger fan of never overdoing any approach and inadvertently making someone uncomfortable and less likely to be open and honest.
I’ve given this a lot of thought and rather than being overly focused on asking people how they feel all the time, I think it’s more effective to commit to an ongoing process of encouraging people (especially those closest to us) to be more aware of how they feel in the moment, to find ways to manage these emotions themselves but also recognising when it would be helpful for them to share with someone how they feel.
As we move into a new year this could be something you choose to work on as you commit to more effective interactions but whatever you choose, good luck and very best wishes for 2026.
Tony
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