Stanger Pro Insights

Some thoughts on building quality relationships…

If building quality relationships is on your priority list for 2023 then here’s something that might be useful (stimulated by a book called Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn).

The idea is that getting the most from any relationship relies on understanding 2 things – what people need and what people fear.

Having our needs met in relationships is a key part of our evolutionary survival and include having access to food and shelter and feeling you add value as part of a group. But in understanding that what people need (which is often not clearly articulated) will impact a relationship, we must also acknowledge the fear people can experience in the process of their needs being met and how this can impact behaviours.

Although I’ve been very aware of needs being met in my relationships (I find the clearer individual needs are = more likely to be met = stronger relationship) I don’t think I’ve been aware enough of the fears that are connected to these needs. For example in my client relationships…

Need – for the client to engage in the learning process to drive the improvements that will boost their ongoing commitment

Fear – what if I don’t help them see the impact coaching can make and they think it’s been a BIG waste of time and money?!?!

I’ve found this awareness really useful in helping me recognise why I do certain things in certain relationships and to identify where I can make changes to make them more effective (and for me also more enjoyable..).

As always not easy… but always interesting!!

Best wishes for 2023.

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