Get someone else to do it!! Let’s be honest, sometimes our little angels won’t listen to a word we say no matter how much sense it makes. It’s not the message that’s the issue it’s the messenger!! That’s why I often use my kids as ‘messengers’ to support each other’s learning. Here’s an example…..
Your child has been struggling in a specific area of their sport over the last few weeks but although you’ve tried to talk to them, they’re not open to listening to your feedback. Because this is a learning opportunity you don’t want to miss, you enlist the support of one of your other kids to help you. Take them with you to watch the game/competition and highlight the area you want them to talk about, making sure they ask questions (“ask them how they feel about their positioning in defence”) not express your opinion (“tell them they need to get closer to opponents when they’re defending”).
Your role is to follow up to reinforce the learning – “I know you had a talk with your sister about defending – how did that go?” and look for any improvements in competition you can praise – “that tip your sister gave you really worked well today”. This works particularly well from an older to a younger child but can also be effective the other way, particularly if they play the same sport. I have asked my younger son to ask his big brother – “I want to get better at defending – what are the things you think are most important for me to think about?”. Only child? Cousins and family friends work just as well!
You’re going to need a bigger hammer!!Unless you work for a demolition company this is probably not an expression you use very often but it’s become a key part of my vocabulary in my work to develop outstanding coaches. Let me explain. Coaching isn’t easy and requires people to master a range of different skills to be effective. In the process of developing these skills I often come across people who say, “but I’m not good at that”.
People put barriers in their own way. These barriers are usually built on the outcomes of previous experiences which didn’t go well, and people create beliefs about what they’re not good at that hold them back. Does this sound like you? I think it would be fair to say we all put barriers in front of us at some points in our lives. What we do about them is the key to our long-term success.
What could you do? Recognising why these barriers might exist is the 1st step. The 2nd is using this understanding to create a plan of what you need to do differently to break these barriers down. And as some barriers might require a great deal of time and effort to overcome, the 3rd step is to find someone to help and encourage you when you might just need a bigger hammer!