My son had a maths test at school recently which didn’t go as well as expected. Not only that, a few of his friends also gave him a bit of ‘banter’ about it. All good natured but he came home a weeny bit fired up. Hands up here. I jumped straight in to ask what he would do better next time before I let him deal with the emotions around what just happened. He did come up with some useful stuff but also focused his frustrations on other ‘unrelated’ areas and the conversation went rapidly downhill. Our conversation reinforced an important lesson. Help kids deal with the emotions around what happened before focusing on what they could do better next time. All good learning and here’s what I will do in future…
Once he’s finished going over what happened I will ask how he feels about it. If emotions are strong I will reinforce that this is normal and it’s OK to feel angry, embarrassed or disappointed etc. and ask if he needs some time to cool down. When he’s ready, I’ll ask him to think about why he felt that way, how these emotions could impact on what he does next (blame someone else, avoid subsequent tests, convince himself he’s not very smart etc.) and then ask about strategies he could use to manage his emotions in future (and make a mental note to continue to ask about how these strategies are going). Only after that will I have the discussion about what he could do better next time.
I would also (later!!) take the opportunity to ask how this would work in sport when you have less time to deal with emotions as the next ‘event’ (the next point, pass, tackle, shot etc.) can be on you very quickly. As sport is important to him this will be a crucial skill to develop as he trains and competes. And as a parent I can help him develop these skills by asking him good questions when he’s ready. With when he’s ready being the key.
Practising in plain sightI’m going to use this insight to develop the skill of, let’s call it, anti-procrastination! My default setting when I’m writing is to take ages to go over and over the wording, change it, change it back, change it again, think about it some more … This strategy does work for me, but it takes time and it would be useful to be more skilled in writing with the same quality (!!!) but in less time.
So that’s what I’m doing now. Practising in plain sight. I gave myself 30 minutes (it took me 27!) to use this Insight as an opportunity to learn from doing something I need to improve as part of my daily routine (and not something ‘extra’ I had to try to fit in). I have also planned in 15 minutes later today to reflect on what I learned. Too often I hear people say they don’t have time to develop new skills. They’re too busy. I think there’s always time if you look hard enough. Do you have any opportunities to practise in plain sight today?
Tiger Woods and the story of everything and the main thingGolf fans among you will know that the Masters starts this weekend. I’m sure you will also know that after a period plagued with injuries and back operations that Tiger Woods is ‘back’ and has been listed as one of the favourites.
Many ‘experts’ doubted this was possible. These same ‘experts’ believed the level of dominance he achieved in the early part of his career also wasn’t possible. So, is the main thing we can learn from Tiger Woods the importance of self-belief?
I don’t think it is. I think it’s the understanding of HOW to be that good. What he did in terms of preparation and practise allowed him to dominate golf like no one before or since. And people learned HOW from him – great athletes with detailed development programmes are now commonplace in golf (and I’m sure we’ll also now see more golfers coming back from career threatening injuries).
Which brings me to you. I’m in contact with many people who read books and blogs and listen to podcast and are always on the lookout for more information on ‘how to be better’. But too many of them seem to lack focus. They’re into everything rather than the main thing. Tiger Woods knows HOW to invest his time in the areas that have the biggest impact on his performance. Do you?